I have a question about my teeth?

so, i drink my morning coffee everyday, my lunch tea, my 3 daily chocs, my daily 2 or 3 energy drinks and SOMETIME IN THE WEEK I DO THIS: drink hard liquor, i smoke, and sometimes i pass out and totally forget to brush my teeth. Not a lot though, i always make sure to do it, but i mean, they could be whiter they aren't yellow but is like pearlish and i want to smile and have ppl putting on sunglasses x) lol well maybe not tht much but yea i want them whiter. so i need ideas tht help me cheap naturally fast and without stopping my routine cause i swear tht would kill me. and one more thing, i was told to mix baking soda with lime and squeeze over my toothbrush to to brush my teeth but how frequently? isn't tht bad though?